In every porn I’ve ever seen, the guy slaps his penis against the vulva before he puts it in. Does anyone in real life actually do that?

Well, it depends on the vulva. Consider a sex move like a handshake: you should only offer it up when it seems appropriate to the situation. And most sex moves (especially ones you’ve seen in porn) are no different. If my partner whipped it out and started slapping away, it would seem a bit obtuse. However, once I’m wet and aroused, those little slaps can be a delightful precursor, intermission, or finishing gesture.

“Pussy slapping comes in a wide variety of styles and intensities,” says psychotherapist and sexuality educator Gwenn Cody. “From sensitive, gentle patting of the outer labia by a semi-erect cock early in arousal, to kinkster-style slapping by cocks, hands and just about any other device you can imagine, sometimes at very high levels of intensity.”

Certified intimacy educator and sex coach Stella Harris agrees. “It can be a nice way to tease,” she says, “if that’s your thing. Also, some people like the feeling of impact on their vulva.”

Sudden clitoral and labial slaps can “wake up” the nerve endings, and increase blood flow and engorgement to the region. For some vulvas, vulva slapping can trigger climax, but other vulvas might consider it a pointless gesture. Ask your vulva, or see if it tells you.

So everyone knows that unsolicited dick pics are a big turn-off when you’re trying to meet up/date in new relationships. But how do women feel about their boyfriend sending one to her when in an established relationship?

I know plenty of ladies, including myself, who love the well-timed dick pic. It depends on the relationship. I’ve had partners with quite photogenic cocks and I appreciate an appropriately timed photo. Stella Harris stresses the importance of aesthetics, because sorry but sometimes it’s not the thought that counts.

“Here’s the thing,” she says. “If you’re going to do it, do it well. A nice dick pic can be a wonderful thing, but there are lots of things that can ruin it. Be sure to mind the background; no toilets, trash cans, or dirty laundry on the floor, to name a few.”

As with anything else, it’s good to establish preferences in the relationship. And perhaps give a heads-up (!) before sending it so that the recipient doesn’t open it in front of coworkers or children. “Hey baby, I was thinking of you, and I’m hard, can I send you a picture?” That helps, I think.

Cody adds that a strong relationship helps. “There is never a better time to send a dick pic than when in an established relationship with a woman who is already really into your dick (we hope).”

Is DP in the vag possible for civilians, or is it only for professional porn stars? Is there conditioning involved?

I’ve never done porn, but I sure love a good double-vag from time to time. A vagina is made up of a ton of muscles, which are made to stretch. Fisting/large toy play/ DP can be enjoyed if you are patient with your body and have realistic expectations.

If you can use a vibrator, I always recommend it, unless you don’t prefer them. Start with using a small toy, or fingers. This is one of those times when those talon manicures are dreadful; short nails are safest. When I grew wanton with only a cock inside of me, I began requesting that he insert his fingers too. I did that a few times a month for a couple of years, also using bigger toys from time to time.

A few months ago, I found myself so aroused that I told my boyfriend to put himself in me, and then to insert my fave dildo. They both fit! And it felt amazing! I was well-lubricated, and very aroused. Now we do double-vag once in awhile, when the mood dictates.

“Any time you’re engaging in a varsity-level sex act, you want to go slow and do your prep work”, Stella says. “Lots of lube, communication, and warm up. Also, think about why you want to do this. Is it the feeling of fullness? The intimacy of multiple partners? Trying to imitate porn for its own sake can be a let down.”

Every body is different! But go slow, see what works and what doesn’t, and be patient. If you believe in yourself, anything is possible.

Originally published 7/28/2016 on Thrillist.com