Originally published on PORNHUB – read full piece on PH

PH:When we think of violence against sex workers, we often think of men as the perpetuators. From reading the testimonies of sex workers, we know that women are also guilty of this, from inappropriate behavior in strip clubs to shaming women who do this work. What are some behaviors women perpetuate that they may not realize is actually detrimental to their fellow female SWs, and what are ways women can be genuine allies to sex workers? 

Elle: The last person who hit me while I was working was a middle aged woman; she was seemingly mad that her male date had tipped me $20 for doing my job, dancing on stage. She ran out the front door, pulling him behind her, and my buttcheek was still stinging from her hand.

Lots of sex workers will tell you that besides physical violence, socially encouraged discrimination and systemic discrimination are main barriers to safer and healthier lives. Sex work is not inherently violent, but people who act out their aggression or biases against us are, and a lot of our culture encourages abuse and violence at sexually relevant laborers or people.

Laws against prostitution and sex work mean that people can consistently be denied housing. Laws that punish “third party facilitators” of sex work might include landlords who rent to us, which encourages discrimination and extortion against us.  Bad laws and stigma can mean real obstacles to renting an apartment, buying a home, or even being denied shelter during travel, like when AirBnb bans sex workers.

Dating and socializing can be hard when our culture encourages or permits relational and interpersonal violence against sex workers: from partners, family, clergy, school administrators, and health ”care” providers. Parents sometimes lose custody of their own children – not due to their parenting, but due to marauding social workers with misplaced concern.

Law enforcement in America is routinely encouraged to violate people working in sex: stings are predatory and increase likelihood of state sanctioned rape or theft. True victims of crimes  who want to report them are less likely to do so if their activities are illegal or stigmatized. It is common for sex workers to be met with victim blaming or low concern when we try to prevent stalking or harassment.

Lots of people think that sex workers are exciting, but aren’t taught how to love or respect or even tolerate us.

Originally published on PORNHUB – read full piece on PH

What are some ways to remedy these points? 

I can imagine a world where our cultures respect and adore people who create pleasure, and I’m grateful for the clients and allies that feel these ways.

Erotophobia is a term to describe the discomfort or anxiety that some people feel around sexually relevant materials. Their feelings are sometimes due to their own traumas, bad experiences, or social conditioning. The term whorephobia is newer and more specific to describe people who feel disgust or derision at sex-working people, or our activities. I regularly experience people online and IRL who take out their trauma on sex workers, our clients, and even the people who love us.

Why do some people hate or try to harm sex workers? I’ve identified a few reasons over the years of working in legal, illegal, online, and in-person spaces.

Religious fundamentalism often teaches that people who engage sexually outside of marriage, child-making, or heterosexuality are sinners, sick, or mentally ill. This creates a superiority complex and savior-like attitudes towards a population they don’t understand and don’t respect. Never forget that there are people in leadership positions in America who say that earthquakes happen because gay people and porn-makers exist. These people can’t be reasoned with, and I do not try. I just remind them that Jesus was kind and respectful to sex workers too.

Some people are anti-SW due to constant media misrepresentation: Popular shows like 30 Rock and Family Guy only feature sex workers as targets for derision or disgust – and movies and media generally show sex workers as victims or villains, if shown at all. Jokes and media about killing hookers, ripping off strippers, “slapping hoes” are the fuel for harmful behaviors.

Originally published on PORNHUB – read full piece on PH

Partner jealousy and competition for resources are another reason why some people try to shield or prohibit their partners or spouses from watching or buying porn or going to a strip club. I encourage couples and mates to navigate their relationship agreements in ways that feel honest and ethical: we are just going to work to make money and take care of our own families, I promise you I don’t book my shifts at the club with the hopes of stealing someone’s man.

Belief of misinformation does a lot of damage: a hundred years ago there were pseudoscientists saying that masturbation would make you blind, and these con artists still exist today. I once met a man  in the club who thought that ejaculation was  bad for him – he “learned” this information on TikTok and Youtube, much like many folks who don’t receive accurate and inclusive sexuality education. Groups like FightTheNewDrug and Exodus Cry have repackaged the same Victorian era bullshit from a century ago, and some people gobble it up.

Some folks dislike porn because there still exists a lack of performer diversity and body representation – they’ve never seen people who look like them, fucking. In a world where most institutions and industries are run by-and-for white, hetero, and straight-sized people, I encourage folks to seek out and support queer porn, fat porn, Black and multi-ethnic creators. If you want to make an industry better, support worker diversity, not worker abolition. (Some of my favorites are April Flores, Valentine Von Bettie, Trip Richards, and Carta Monir.)

Originally published on PORNHUB – read full piece on PH