How do you handle a relationship where your partner has a way higher sex drive than you?

Before I address the question, I’d like to state that “sex drives” are not set in stone, but rather, can vary widely throughout a person’s life. Stress, living conditions, age, and, health are just a few factors that will alter a person’s desire to be intimate or sexual.

That said, relationships tend to be shorter than life cycles, so let’s assume that your baseline is much lower or higher than your partner’s.

My question to you: have you two talked about it? You should probably leave the clothing on for this conversation. Sex educator JoEllen Notte of theredheadbedhead.com advises, “The partner with the lower sex drive should broach the topic with their partner in nonsexual moments — everything is so much more charged when people are turned on — and make sure to be clear that it is not a rejection of them specifically.”

When you do talk, don’t point blame.

Do not aim to increase or decrease a person’s sex drive. Would you starve or force-feed someone in order to match your appetite for food? Of course not, and this is barely different.
If your sex drive is lower, do accept that there are other options: be supportive of their masturbation, buy them some toys or a website subscription to use solo, or, if you’re comfortable with it, consider opening up the relationship to include additional play partners. Or consider group therapy.

Regarding consent, the CDC recently published statistics indicating that as many as one in five women, and one in 71 men will experience sexual violence before the age of 25. The likelihood for sexual abuse in trans gender populations was recently reported at 64%, although all of these numbers are impossible to exactly quantify. No matter what your gender, my message is clear: NEVER pressure any person for sex. And if you are a survivor, no person has the right to make you feel inadequate for your feelings about your right to give consent.

Notte also adds, “Stay communicative with your partner, and don’t let sex become a no-go topic. Find other ways to connect with your partner emotionally and sensually that are satisfying for both of you and can bridge the gap between you.”

You two are together because you care about each other, right? So, show that you care.

How do I clear my mind for sex? It races all day, and it’s seriously hindering my ability to enjoy myself.

Deadlines. Cell notifications. Snapchats. Updates. These little intangibles sure can get in the way of a good time. What can you do to unplug?

Prior to playtime, put your phone away. It can wait 40 minutes, and probably won’t be getting you off in the near future. Personally, if it is 7:30 on a Saturday night, my ass is jogging, if only for the endorphins! Endorphins are natural stress-fighters, and your vascular system might thank you, too. If I’m feeling stressy before a booty call, exercise and a warm shower is the best way for me to feel clear-headed and prepped for action.

If you aren’t able-bodied for a jog or brisk walk, gently stretch on the floor. Masturbate! Engorgement of sex organs can increase a body’s sensitivity to subsequent play. Turn off the television or radio. There is no reason that Larry the Cable Guy’s antacid commercial should be within earshot of my coitus.

During foreplay and sex, breathe. More. Slowly. I’ve witnessed many folks who hold their breath when aroused. Are you one of them?

Don’t worry about having an orgasm. Focus on the now. See, doesn’t that feel good? And doesn’t it clear your mind?