You’ve heard it before. The words and phrases have probably escaped your lips: “happily ever after,” “together forever,” “the one,” “soulmate.”

Our culture raises people to expect a state of perpetually romantic monogamy from their partner.

Maybe blame Disney. With slight, and very recent, exceptions, the tales always center on a conflict between a beautiful protagonist and her handsome “true love.” Millions of us have been raised to think of no other outcome than “happily ever after” once we meet “the one.”

Real life is not a fairy tale. The recent scandal involving cheater-website Ashley Madison shined a very hard spotlight on the fact that millions of Americans seek sex and affection outside of their nuptials. And people are finally faced with the notion that monogamy might not be a fail-safe lifestyle.

What happens after Cinderella starts working night shifts and her Prince feels neglected? What happens when Sleeping Beauty decides that she doesn’t want to have children, much to her Prince’s chagrin? What if Aladdin and Jasmine actually aren’t sexually compatible?

Maybe it’s time to consider non-monogamy.

What is non-monogamy?

There are a million ways to love, and “non-monogamy” is an umbrella term for a few other arrangements. Many of us have heard the term “swingers” before, although swinging implies sex without strings during party events, with or near our primary partner. “Polyamory,” which loosely translates to “many loves,” can mean maintaining more than one romantic relationship, to the extent that a household might contain a triad of partners, or more. I get asked about non-monogamy all of the time, and usually by women. That will happen when a lifestyle is shrouded in mystery and myth. Here are the biggest misconceptions.

Myth: Non-monogamous people lack the discipline or self-control to be with one person

Truth: Quite the opposite, it takes a great deal of mindfulness and honesty to communicate with multiple partners.

Last week, Matt was peeling off the condom and dropping it in the trash while I made the bed. “I put the condom in the trash, I hope that is okay,” he said.

Pausing, I asked, “Where else would you put it?”

He faltered, “I just don’t know if anyone isn’t supposed to see it.”

Laughing, I felt zero weight on my shoulders when I told him, “I have nothing to hide, from anyone.” How many monogamous people feel that way?

Have you ever suddenly been ignored by the person you are dating? Or felt the sting when seeing that another person was texting them? Did you feel replaced? Abandoned? Rejected? People who practice non-monogamy strive to avoid those sour feelings.

Sex educator and author of The Ethical Slut, Janet Hardy, explained to 400 listeners in a packed theater last year, “Non-monogamous couples don’t make rules, they practice agreements.” Meaning, that a “rule” implies that one person has set a boundary for the other, whereas an “agreement” has been mutually reached. In order to avoid jealousy or anger, it behooves all adults to mindfully exercise honesty.

Myth: Non-monogamy destroys monogamy

Truth: Monogamy destroys monogamy.

Marriage statistics tell us that infidelity occurs in 30-60% of all American marriages. So why can we not accept that so many of us want to keep our current partner in the household, but to also engage in some recreational sexual escape?

To further explain, Dr. Chris Donaghue says, “Cheating is an expected state of every relationship. It’s not ‘if,’ but ‘when.’ ‘Cheating’ needs to be downgraded from a relational act of emotional violence to one form of many relational injuries to be expected from well-meaning flawed humans. Cheating doesn’t injure. How cheating is conceptualized and dealt with, does.”

Myth: Non-monogamous people have better sex

Truth: Yep!

I love pizza. I could eat pizza three times a week. However, I also love Thai food, salads, steak, sushi, fruit… Keeping a balanced food diet satisfies my palate, and I’m usually up to try something new. Sex is similar. If you like to eat your partner, and only your partner, more power to you! However, I crave more than one flavor, and it is healthy for people to do so.

“The world would be a better place if all people treated sex like they treat food. As a commodity, which it is,” says Buster Ross, a LGBTQI counselor in Portland, OR.

Having varied likes is not the bereft of anyone else, and besides, I learned a new tongue trick from my secondary partner that my primary partner loves. Everyone is the happier! And no one is hurt.