How to Sext Properly – VICE
Let’s play a love game – one where you tell me exactly how you want your junk caressed after quarantine.
Sexting is flirtation at its peak. Our faces hidden and our deepest perversions unveiled, we’re both dressed and undressed simultaneously. Just as other senses can be heightened when one is restricted, sexting excites our sense of touch, smell and taste. Removed of the self-conscious pressures of video sex, sexting is a game of fantasy, which you can still play when your hair is greasy and there’s a stain on your shirt or you’re hiding in the toilets at work.
The means and setup may be fairly low effort, but proper sexting is still art. And art requires study. If Lady Chatterley’s Lover is a Picasso, a WhatsApp describing how much you want to slide your dick in and out of someone is a leaf rubbing (rubbish). So, here’s how to sext properly.
Consent and Initiating Dirty Talk
Before sexting, you need to establish consent. If you’re here, I’m going to assume you’re a) over 18 – exchanging explicit content with minors is an offence, and b) your sexting partner has made it clear they’d be into receiving that kind of content from you. But how should you… push off?
Here are some alternatives.
“A go-to initiation is ‘I can’t stop thinking about you,’” says sex and relationship educator Anne Hodder-Shipp. “It’s a nice, respectful, and low-risk way to see if your partner is available and in the mood for a sexting session. You never know who might be in eye-shot of your partner’s phone and you also want to make sure that you’re both on the same page before the dirty talk starts flying.”
Elle Stanger, stripper and sex worker activist, who sexts professionally on the website SextPanther suggests starting with an open question: “Like, ‘Do you know what I’ve been thinking about doing with you all day?’ or ‘Do you know what I think would feel really good if we did together?’”
Get to Know Their Sexting Persona
“Whether you know this person or not, ask what they like to be called,” says Stanger. “That could be different from someone’s name. It might be honey, boy, baby, sweetie, dude…”
And those aren’t the only nicknames worth asking about. “Ask what they like their genitals to be called,” she says. “It can really ruin the mood if you refer to someone’s genitals in a way that makes them feel grossed out or demeaned. Some people like pussy, others like front hole, or vulva, or cunt, or fuckhole.”