“Elle Stanger is abusive”

“Elle Stanger is transphobic.”

“Elle Stanger is a racist.”

Since 2015, a small circle of folks have been harassing my followers and trying to hurt me and my family with various false accusations: that I report sex workers to police, that I hired a known rapist to work an event for sexual assault survivors, that I misgender people as an act of violence, that I’m homophobic and transphobic.

Some of these folks are total strangers to me, but have a history of this false-allegation-making. Some of these folks are former co-sworkers and were upset when I noticed their bullying behavior toward others. I set boundaries regarding our interactions, and their reaction was to slander me.

As someone who has always worked to protect sex workers and their identities, I knew that this attacks were invalid and have been horrified at their refusal to communicate to validate these accusations with proof, for the last five years.

I am a white person who has written a few ignorant things in over fifteen years of being published online, but real activism allows for growth, and that’s not what my call-out crowd is interested in.

When invited to a neutrally located, peer-mediated and fully funded open debate-style meeting, to address accusations, the accusers took deliberate steps to distance themselves from their responsibility in their roles as instigators of harassment or violence against me. Linked here is one example of this attempt at transparency.

“How Do We Hold Each other Accountable When We Mess Up“ by Bianca Laureano is a useful resource and I just found the online work of Africa Brooke.

Research shows that there are reasons why marginalized peoples engage in call-out culture, and that has given better framing to the WHY behind some of these accusations.

Other research shows why some people lie to do harm to others.

Victims of separate call-outs by the same folks have contacted me to inform me that my attackers perform online bullying under the guise of social justice, often.

I have learned that my experience is unfortunately not unique, and have learned more about what cancel-culture and false accusations looks like, by following the work of Clementine Morrigan and Jay Lesoleil, and Bebe Montoya.

Polyamorousblackgirl also talked about why some people online-bully, and offers a workshop about it.

I’m available for transformative justice and any accountability process that coherent parties would like to engage in*. 

I do not work with people who lie about others to cause harm or ostracize people.

I encourage anyone with curiosity about these issues to contact me directly for clarification. If you have also been a victim of harassment by M. Bickers, or Lil*** S*******, or C** H******, contact me for support and community-building.

Thank you for reading.

*Update: 9/21: After one mediation session with CH, this person did not honor their signed agreements – but returned to their previous pattern of publicly accusing me of abuse, and encouraging their online audience to harass or “cancel” me from all affiliations and gigs.

I will not entertain mediation with this person again, as they have shown to be incapable of basic transformative justice processes.