written October, 2017.

It’s just a joke, I’ve heard.
The words stick into my throat and my eyes and my insides and my ears and it’s
Just a joke, I’m told.
Because it’s funny to laugh when Whores get hurt.

The TV likes us when we are the punch line, not the protagonist.
A is for Apple, Assault, Assumption
B is for Benevolent, Beauty, Breath
C is for Cunt, Capitalism, Client, Commodification
And D is for Dollar, Dead Hooker Jokes Are Hilarious, Yes?

I’ve met some women who seem to find comfort in the precarious invisible tightrope of respectability.
But I will warn you, one step too wide, one skirt too short, one rape too intoxicated,
and you transform into a Whore like me.

The lady cashier at the store wants to know where my ones come from, where my hundreds come from.
So I tell her. And she is silent but I’m sure she has plenty to say.
We aren’t “real women,” I’ve heard.
We are traitors, I’ve heard.
I’m abusing my child. I’m giving her disease. I am unlovable. So I’ve heard.
I have whore knees, I crawl on the floor and spread my insides and throat and my eyes and my eyes gloss
over because I don’t want to see
I can’t turn on the TV because it reminds me
I can’t listen to most music because it reminds me.

That E is for Effort, Existential Crisis, Excruciating back pain
F is for Fuck For Finances, Flirt for your Mortgage
G is for Good Girl that I’ve tattooed on my inner thighs
H is for Here Honey, have a hot bath.

And my knees ache when my wallet is full,
They say that everything in life comes at a price
And I’ve traded my princess tower for financial stability.
You’ve come a long way baby, the modern woman CAN HAVE IT ALL.

But I love good clients. Their eyes shine upward at me as I plant my own seeds on the stage with my feet.
“Please, just make me forget,” I’ve heard.
I am growing life for their eyes. For their fingers, for their insides, and for their ears.
Take a deep breath, and I’ll do all the work, I tell them. They love me too.

It’s not all bad. I’ll kiss my muscles and spread my ankles and wink and lick my lips, because.

I
Just
Knocked
Loose
Matriarchy, Misogyny, Masturbation.
N is for Now, No, Nuance
O is for Outrageous, Oppression, Orifice
P is for Pussy popping and did you know that Propinas, is “tips” en Espanol?
Q is for Questions like, Quieres un baile?

Really sir, I’ll slap my pussy and look you in the eyes and smile,
And later
You’ll beat your meat or fuck your wife And I’ll count a few bucks and call it a night.

It’s not all bad.

Really
Stressful, Sincere, Sexual, Satiation
Titty twisting to for two more hours
Under less than ideal circumstances.

V is for vain, virtuous, vilified
W is for Why did you do that to me?
Xenophobia looks like a backhanded compliment like, it must be nice to not have a real job
Y Y Y is something I ask myself sometimes
Z is for, well, zipper of course.

And the alphabet is complete but this story is unfinished because the protagonist Whore hasn’t died yet, because she’s still trying to win in this epic battle.
The Whores are talking,
but you can’t hear us because we have invented our own language with our fingers, with our insides, and with our ears and our eyes.

Thank you.